Some have the belief that males and females cannot be friends unless there are benefits involved, or the girl is a tomboy or the guy is eccentric/flamboyant. I am one of the people who do not follow the “men are from Mars and women from Venus” stigma or theory. I have male friends and I have the privilege of enjoying a healthy, fun-filled, and supportive relationship with them.
So how did this become so difficult? How did being friends with a guy become being friends with benefits or “oh they must be a couple”? It could have started from our homes; my mother and father were definitely all about the “don’t be friends with a guy” theory. Most of all, outside our parents, there is the world, our society, and the social norm that instructs us on rules to follow in terms of relationships. For example, if it is same sex relationships, the males do stuff like watch sports and females talk and share. Now I’m not saying that this is entirely true for the whole population of males and female, only from my perspective and from what I’ve come across in my life. I am realizing that there are so many tips for romantic relationships but very few guidelines as to how to have a male-female friendship.
I have a really close guy friend, we’ve been friends for 10 maybe 11 years, and in our high school years, I couldn’t be in a relationship because everyone assumed he and I were already in a committed romantic relationship, when really we were just goofy, close, possibly mentally perverted, friends. In high school it seemed like watching a movie together was the “Start of Something New” and believe me, my parents did not make it any easier, neither did his.
I now know that gradually the world is changing, and men and women are starting to show some characteristics of the opposite sex, now if men and women or boys and girls are to co-exist without such things as ‘cooties” we obviously need to learn how to communicate and understand each other without sexual tension.
To be frank, I have more male friends than female friends. It is not like I cannot connect to females properly but because having male friends gives a different perspective on things, and sometimes it can be infuriating listening to the things males have to say, or trying to talk to them when they are head over heels into their sports; however, for me, it’s always refreshing to see things differently.
If you want a male friend, it’s easy. It’s nothing to be frightened about; they won’t eat you alive… hopefully. Start by asking questions, getting to know the person. Get involved in activities that you’re both interested in. It’s best to talk to him when he is alone, especially if this friendship is still new, because of peer pressure, it might interfere with his responses to you. When I first met Sam, my very good male friend, he was a smug ass in front of his friends, but I quickly shut that down. Also, don’t take it personally if he’s not up for the same kind of relationship you are. If you want to be friends but he wants “something else” don’t take it personally, just shut that down! Rejection is a part of life… and if he has “other plans” be sure to let him know he is in the friend-zone.
My hopes is that this helps you a little bit in figuring out if you can be friends with a guy or not. I don’t think having a male friend is a bad thing, but be careful of the males you want to be friends with. Sometimes things don’t always pan out the way you want it to.