The Blues

Evening Beau’s & Belles!

Christmas is around the corner; however something that’s even sooner for me is EXAMS. Which is literally next week. I am keeping my cool for the most part. I promised myself I would. Studying has been quite the roller coaster for me. I haven’t found that motivation to keep on studying.

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Believe me, I tried! I really did. I managed to finish a review for one of my college programs, and I still have five more to go. I am feeling very shlumpy. That’s not a word, but it shall suffice for my current mood. To add to matters, I get this weird off and on headache, I had to rest my head for a bit. Also I’ve been feeling really strange, almost… lost. It’s quite the scary feeling because I am the type of person who knows what I want and need to do next but lately its been a fog in my head. I really hate this feeling.

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Right, so I stopped studying to get in some food and now I’m a little lazy to continue. I just can’t wait for my break, I honestly feel like I need it, a lot of things have been so tight for me lately in reality and I wish it just gets easier but it continually piles up. I cannot get away from any of this burden. I know playing the blame game is never a good thing but I can assure myself and others who ask that I did not place this burden on myself. It was my mother. I love her and I know she’s doing her best for me, so I cannot be mad at her for this; however the feeling is in the back of my head. It has been there for quite some time now…

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I just need a break. From family, from school, just some time to myself to self meditate and find out my next move. I am always helping out others that I keep on forgetting to help myself until it is too late and I get into trouble yet again. I can’t keep ending up in this place. Not again. Not ever. Time to focus on school. Study Blues? I don’t think so.

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